Love Hurts, Friends Heal

I have this girlfriend who I regularly talk to via email. In many respects we are in the same place in our lives. She has given me some sage advice and in turn I do what I can to reciprocate (not that I'm exactly qualified!). I also have a couple other girlfriends on here who have been feeling indecisive in their respective love lives. So, I decided that maybe some of you could benefit from my conversation with Mandy (*names have been changed to protect the innocent):

Jessie said:

I think I've said those very same words. It's so hard when we can see the wonderful POTENTIAL in a person. The thing is, when I look at some intelligent, bright girlfriends who are filled with potential and see how they CHOOSE to live their lives I have to also apply that to the love in my life. Think of all the people whose potential goes unfulfilled. How arrogant of women like us to think we could inspire someone to reach their potential just because we want them to and we believe in them. They have to believe in themselves.

On a grander scale, it would be considered codependence. Of course, we see it and disassociate ourselves rather than continue the pattern- so we're not codependent.

I know you love him. It's okay to keep loving him too. There are reasons you fell in love with him. Mandy, you are such a smart, loving, witty, caring woman. You wouldn't choose to spend your time and your heart on someone who wasn't worth it in some way. You are also strong, intelligent and self-aware enough to know when he is going to start pulling you down to his level rather than rising to yours. You have been through heartache and heartbreak and you have grown stronger and more resilient every time. You already know that you will move on and find a man worthy of you when He deems it necessary.

Tom brought you back to God, he served His purpose. Maybe leaving him and his childish ways will be what Tom* needs in order to reach his own potential. Maybe leaving him and his childish ways will open you up to that wonderful person that God is preparing to place in front of you. Maybe Tom's timing bringing you to God and keeping you from Billy (nonbeliever) is exactly what you needed at that time. You wouldn't have grown toward God but rather away from him had you and Billy gotten together at that time.

But maybe this is a new time.

You were floating around in your raft. You had your oars but no direction in which to paddle.

You were floating in indecisiveness. Now you can grab those oars, throw the stone from the boat, and move in the direction you know you WANT to go. How great does it feel to be on your way? How great does it feel to have a destination? How great does it feel that you don't NEED anyone to get you there?

When romance comes your way it will be because you want it. It will be because it's right. It will not be a test or a ploy to get something from each other (other than the usual that you grow and learn together in your love).

I SEE YOUR POTENTIAL! I know you can and will rise to it! Just like a lover can see the good and can be inspired to nourish her love's potential- a friend can do the same. And Mandy, you have it girl. You are meant for good things in this life.

You are not your job. You are not your friends. You are not your boyfriend. You are a wonderful, independent woman autonomous from all that is around you while simultaneously influencing and being affected by all those in your life.

You live just like your signature line says: Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.- George Eliot

Have a great and inspirational day! Chin up, good things are coming your way!

(me, august 11th!!! Ha!)

Jessiedoll

Mandy says:
Yeah, I haven't really figured out how I'm going to handle the part of my heart that's still in love with him.

Jessie says:
Sigh.You handle it with gentle, loving hands. You protect it safely in those hands while you stroke that love and let it melt by the wayside. You let the romantic love melt away and filter through your fingers while you hold onto all the good things that you got out of being in that relationship. You can hold onto the human love and the friendship love. That's the same way you handle his heart when you see him at church.

You sit on the other side. You go to a different service. You handle your heart the way your heart loves you to handle it.

Mandy says:
"You handle your heart the way your heart loves you to handle it."

So very true. My heart will tell me how to handle it. Thanks Jess.