So two months ago, I was so stressed with school, work, little league, etc. that I was on the verge of a breakdown. It had all just accumulated to a point where I just couldn't do it. I physically could not understand the words on the page. I was a zombie. I think it was the most difficult time in my life so far...
And then I got to have a month off school to start practicum. And now I've had these two easy classes. And remember, I said the next four classes are going to be really hard (equivalent to the last ones that had me in pieces). I just got that email saying it's going to be on independent study and I'll only meet three times for the whole month and that will end at 7pm.
HOLY JESUS!
He just keeps blessing me and blessing me and blessing me!!!
Aidan will still be at his dad's til 10pm. So I'll have that time to do homework, clean, work out, find a practicum site, whatever. Then I'll only have three classes left of the hard stuff. After all these months of recovery, I'll TOTALLY be able to do those three classes just fine!!!
I have just recently learned out to give it to God and then forget about it. Is that 'true faith'? So then I've just come to a place where I've really learned to be truly faithful? I don't know, but He is sure showing me what that means and how awesome he is when I do it! I have totally just given my schooling up to Him because I know this is His plan for me. I have to stop 'leaning on my own understanding' (the topic tonight at church), and LOOK! LOOK!!!!!!! NO CLASS NEXT MONTH- mostly... YEAY!!!!
Jenn House told me a while back that when she thinks of me, she thinks of a little girl in a party dress with her heart in her hand and no matter what comes along I just don't give up or give in. I keep standing there unphased in my party dress with my heart. She said that she aspires to have that sort of innocense and determination (I wonder if it's more of a naivite), and that it's just that which God favors and blesses. I don't really know... but I sure feel blessed right now!
It's like, my heart is happy!
And a person doesn't really have control over the happiness of his heart. You can talk yourself out of feeling bad, and you can feel better. But you cannot force a happy heart!
and it's like, I know that He is blessing me, and I know that it's not ME, and I want to pay it forward or pay it back or share the love, and I just don't know how. So then it feels all bottled up and waiting to explode, but it's a joyous explosion! Confetti of the heart! Spiritual radiation- hiroshima of happy! And how odd and awkward to have that inside me, and not know what to do with it.
Do I skip?
Do I leap?
Do I sing terribly offkey, and yet beautifully to His ear while I spin in circles with my arms outstreched?
Do I jumprope til I fall?
Do I find a trampoline?
Do I run and run and run and run?
What do you do with it?
Do I sit in thankful prayer? Do I sing His praises to my friends and contemporaries?
Do I accept His blessings with thanks and keep Him in my mind, heart and works as I go throughout my day representing Him?
Wooo hoooo!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Reimbursed
Another story of how cool God has been to me:
I bought groceries for this guy.
I was really torn if I should buy them. I changed from salary to hourly and the bank's crazy math meant that my next check would be missing FOUR DAYS of pay on it. Helllooooo, I'm a single mom in grad school, I can't afford to lose four days of pay!!! My friend Lesa had been in town and I really, really wanted her to read The Prayer of Jabez because I thought it would be really applicable for her life right now. I couldn't find my copy so I ran to Barnes to get her a copy. I didn't even think about my budget, I just wanted her to have it. It's like $10, it'll be fine.
Then I get there and this guy is standing in the parking lot, sleeping while standing. Like, he was on that movie Rat Race and he fell asleep while walking. I smiled a big smile as I drove by (hey, it always cheers up my day to get an authentic smile from someone, those don't come around very often) and thought to myself, I just made him happy. I know, I'm silly. And then I park and get out of my car and he was already there! Developmentally disabled Sonic the Hedgehog? In his stutter he started telling me that he could tell I was a Christian and he's a Christian and would I buy him a sandwich.
While he's talking I was wondering, "how do you tell one of God's broken from someone who is just trying to get something from you? How do you tell if they are broken because they are one of God's needy, and they're broken because they are bad?" And as he was talking I just decided that I'd get him a sandwich, it'll be fine. Then he wanted to go to Hometown. I said no, I'd get him a sandwich at Barnes. Then he asked that instead of buying an expensive sandwich that wont fill him up if I'd get him some groceries.
I was like, "what!"
I said I would get him the sandwich. He proceeded to tell me how he can eat several meals for the same price if I got him sandwich fixings at Food Maxx.
I told him, "Fine, you walk over there and after I buy this book I'll meet you there." It's just not safe to let people in your car, it's not too far for him to walk. After I got the book I went over. He wrote me a list. what! a list?!
So it just had bologna, hamburger buns, gingerale and little debbie snack cakes.
Instead, I got him grapes, peaches, bananas, wheat bread, meat, cheese, chips and ginger ale.
Anyway, as I was taking his list and grabbing a cart I thought the words, "I'm losing four days of pay, I don't know if I can buy groceries for my home, much less for someone else!" and then, "Whatever, it's the right thing to do and God will take care of it." I didn't consider it again til I got to the checkout and then I thought those same things again.
When I handed it to him he thanked me and told me that he doesn't eat fruit. I told him that fruit is our gift from God and if there's anything in the bag from Him then it's the fruit. He thanked me again, looked up and thanked God, and then said, "God, bless the woman who has done this for me!"
So then the next day my cavity abscessed and I had a puffy face. The day after was payday and I looked like the Elephant Man ("I am not an animal! I am a man!"). I checked my account online and it said that it was about $17 more than normal. NOT short four days, and overpaid by $17. I called HR and told them of their error (I don't need them taking it out later in the pay period!) and they offered to spread the deficit over four paychecks. That wasn't an option before, they were taking it all out at once. If the money hadn't been in there I would have been short.
AND THEN, on Thursday the dentist was able to get me in for the root canal and it was $46 LESS than what they had quoted me. The groceries I bought that man cost me $46.
I went out to spend money I didn't have on a book to encourage Lesa spiritually, ended up spending another $46 on that man and now I was reimbursed through that discount and the paycheck issue is being spread out!!!
ISN'T THAT TOTALLY AWESOME!!!
That man looked to the sky and asked God to bless the woman who did this for him, AND HE DID!
I bought groceries for this guy.
I was really torn if I should buy them. I changed from salary to hourly and the bank's crazy math meant that my next check would be missing FOUR DAYS of pay on it. Helllooooo, I'm a single mom in grad school, I can't afford to lose four days of pay!!! My friend Lesa had been in town and I really, really wanted her to read The Prayer of Jabez because I thought it would be really applicable for her life right now. I couldn't find my copy so I ran to Barnes to get her a copy. I didn't even think about my budget, I just wanted her to have it. It's like $10, it'll be fine.
Then I get there and this guy is standing in the parking lot, sleeping while standing. Like, he was on that movie Rat Race and he fell asleep while walking. I smiled a big smile as I drove by (hey, it always cheers up my day to get an authentic smile from someone, those don't come around very often) and thought to myself, I just made him happy. I know, I'm silly. And then I park and get out of my car and he was already there! Developmentally disabled Sonic the Hedgehog? In his stutter he started telling me that he could tell I was a Christian and he's a Christian and would I buy him a sandwich.
While he's talking I was wondering, "how do you tell one of God's broken from someone who is just trying to get something from you? How do you tell if they are broken because they are one of God's needy, and they're broken because they are bad?" And as he was talking I just decided that I'd get him a sandwich, it'll be fine. Then he wanted to go to Hometown. I said no, I'd get him a sandwich at Barnes. Then he asked that instead of buying an expensive sandwich that wont fill him up if I'd get him some groceries.
I was like, "what!"
I said I would get him the sandwich. He proceeded to tell me how he can eat several meals for the same price if I got him sandwich fixings at Food Maxx.
I told him, "Fine, you walk over there and after I buy this book I'll meet you there." It's just not safe to let people in your car, it's not too far for him to walk. After I got the book I went over. He wrote me a list. what! a list?!
So it just had bologna, hamburger buns, gingerale and little debbie snack cakes.
Instead, I got him grapes, peaches, bananas, wheat bread, meat, cheese, chips and ginger ale.
Anyway, as I was taking his list and grabbing a cart I thought the words, "I'm losing four days of pay, I don't know if I can buy groceries for my home, much less for someone else!" and then, "Whatever, it's the right thing to do and God will take care of it." I didn't consider it again til I got to the checkout and then I thought those same things again.
When I handed it to him he thanked me and told me that he doesn't eat fruit. I told him that fruit is our gift from God and if there's anything in the bag from Him then it's the fruit. He thanked me again, looked up and thanked God, and then said, "God, bless the woman who has done this for me!"
So then the next day my cavity abscessed and I had a puffy face. The day after was payday and I looked like the Elephant Man ("I am not an animal! I am a man!"). I checked my account online and it said that it was about $17 more than normal. NOT short four days, and overpaid by $17. I called HR and told them of their error (I don't need them taking it out later in the pay period!) and they offered to spread the deficit over four paychecks. That wasn't an option before, they were taking it all out at once. If the money hadn't been in there I would have been short.
AND THEN, on Thursday the dentist was able to get me in for the root canal and it was $46 LESS than what they had quoted me. The groceries I bought that man cost me $46.
I went out to spend money I didn't have on a book to encourage Lesa spiritually, ended up spending another $46 on that man and now I was reimbursed through that discount and the paycheck issue is being spread out!!!
ISN'T THAT TOTALLY AWESOME!!!
That man looked to the sky and asked God to bless the woman who did this for him, AND HE DID!
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