What I Want

Maybe it will be love at first sight.
Maybe it will be someone who I've known all this time and never noticed romantically.
Maybe it will be someone who I hate when I meet.
Maybe it will be a coworker
Maybe it will be someone I meet at one of the psych conferences.
Maybe it will be a handsome stranger pumping gas.
Maybe it will be in ten years.
Maybe it will be tomorrow.
Maybe it will be never.
Maybe I already had my chance with him and blew it.
Maybe I could play the maybe-game all day and never meet him because I'm so busy with my head in the clouds.
Maybe I should not worry about it because it will happen when it's meant to.

no.

sadly

I don't think he has come.

I want a man who sees me the way my friends see me. I want a man who doesn't look at me as a sexy woman. Who doesn't see me as a successful busines woman. Who doesn't pigeonhole me. I want a man who sees the radiant woman that my friends see and love. I want a man who SEES that and who loves it. Who wants more of it.

I don't want a man who just sees that my friends love me. What I have to give. I want a man who loves me the way my friends love me, but who loves me MORE.

that's what I want.

i know that I can't get that with instant gratification.

I know that is the kind of bond that is built in time.

But it's so frustrating to want something that is so transendant and deep and to refuse less. I am happy in my single state of being, but I do feel a bit of a missing piece. I am tiring of fighting the good fight alone, I am ready to accept the idea that I do not have to be an army of one. But I want the fighter with me to be the one who will fight to the end. I want him to be my faithful friend as well as my lover under the stars. I want him to stir my heart and stimulate my mind. I want my tears to find a safe place on his chest and in his heart, and I want my joy to radiate from his toes to his fingers when he is in my presense.

and sometimes

I wonder

is that too much to ask for?

but I resoundingly shout NO! NO IT'S NOT!

I am not asking for an adonis. He does not have to be without flaw. There is not a requirement for his profession. there is no preconceived notion of what he will do, or look like, or say. But our love will speak volumes and sing poetry. Our arguments and fights will resolve with our devotion. That is all I want. I want a fighter, not a quitter.