Your Wedding

Last week I was talking to one of my girlfriends and we were exchanging life stories, she made me stop mid-story and she said, "you are Amazing! Do you know that?"

And you know what I just realized? Someday, I want a man who looks at me and thinks, "Wow, she's amazing." And I want to be able to look at him and think, "Wow, he is really amazing." I guess mutual appreciation for our amazingness.

And that's how I know that I thwarted making the biggest mistake of my life. That is how I know that your wedding on Saturday was meant for you and not for me. I was not intended to be the bride on Oct. 6th because when I think about that man, I do not think to myself about how amazing he is… and I want to love the amazingness of the man I'm marrying…

Amazing doesn't mean perfect. I'm not so foolhardy as to look for "the perfect man." In fact, I'm not so foolhardy as to look. The amazingness in me is that I know that I have always been, can be, and am my own "rock." I have proven that with steadfast determination. I have plowed forward through so many hardships in this life. Never has my path been one on which I had envisioned myself traveling, but always I have come through better off for my journey (usually with a couple bumps and bruises that eventually heal).

Nope, that fella didn't see any amazingness in me for he was so busy concerning himself with none other than himself. I saw and loved him for all his amazingness while love blinded me to his turned head. So that now, with bright eyes and a clear head I can see him for his corruption and black-heartedness.

Now and then, though, I do miss that naïve devotion I felt. I miss giving the unconditional love and the misperception of receiving it in return. Those moments are fleeting and I'm sure that once I make it through this landmark of 10-6-07. Once I don't get married on that day, but instead celebrate the true love shared between my friend and her soul mate, I will step forward into a new age of Jessie.

All this 'building' has prepared me for that, and although I've been forlorn (and probably will continue) at the thought of my impending wedding date passing me by with no flowers, no vows, no husband. The idea of tragedy that watching another woman marry on the day I was supposed to darn my wedding dress might stir emotions in my heart- but it is the sentiment, the IDEA of it all that stirs me, not the ACTUAL loss.

And so I am delighted and overjoyed to celebrate the commencement of your married life! I am thoroughly honored that you would ask that I be witness to the binding of your love! I am so excited to spend my Saturday evening as a part of your most beloved friends and family! You are such a wonderful friend and your groom compliments your uniqueness so perfectly that it gives me hope that someday, like you, I will find my compliment (no hurries though! Yikes!).